I Should Know By Now…

The other day was one of those days where I was just done before my NICU shift even started. Even though I knew my two babies very well, I was frustrated because they were both going to be a hot mess, and I wanted no part of it.

Going into anything with that kind of attitude will always make things worse, but I didn’t care. I was tired and stressed, and quite honestly, was feeling a little sorry for myself.

As the day went on, myself and the other nurses in my hallway spent our time putting out fires left and right – nothing catastrophic, but so many smaller problems. It felt like we were all juggling multiple weird situations… except that I don’t juggle. Everyone on the hallway was in a bad mood, and the constant problems didn’t help things.

Later on in the shift one of my kiddos tried to die on us. This is a regular occurrence for him, and one of my major stressors for the shift. This time it was particularly bad, and everyone knew it. We got him back, but it really shook up his mother, who is usually not very affected by it, having gone through it so many times already.

After the dust had settled, there was a moment of silence where the parents were standing next to their child’s bed, still scared. A little voice in the back of my head said, “PRAY.”

“Guys, why don’t we pray?” were the next words out of my mouth.

The parents quickly agreed, a look of relief on their faces.

I knew from previous experience that the prompt had come from God, and so we took the time to pray for this little boy. I pray for all of my kiddos constantly, but rarely do I get the chance to pray with the parents. It was amazing, the wave of calm that swept through the room; the kind of peace and calm that can only come from God.

After I left the room, I almost started crying. God, I should know by now that every time I have an attitude of “I don’t wanna be here,” You bring me to a situation where I can shine Your light.

This is not the first time this has happened, nor will it be the last. I pray that God will continue to open my eyes to see, the ears to hear, and that He would continue to shine through me in every situation.

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